I think I made a huge mistake, I don't know how to move on?

I've been dating this guy for 3 and a half years. It's been tumultuous. He had some issues including anger, controlling behavior and cheating. We are very close friends though because somehow we've managed to communicate, some times well, sometime poorly. I have stood by him when he cheated, I thought at the time because i loved him, but now I believe it's because i have co-dependent tendencies. Either way he some how has stuck through it with me too and became a better person in many ways. No more cheating, way less anger etc. However the control issue remained the same and ground away at me. Also, I was concerned about the fact that I was as co-dependent as i was and began wondering if i loved him at all or if he had just made me believe i loved him b/c I'd learned to tolerate so much. about 2 weeks ago, I told him that I thought i needed to move to my sisters house out of state and that i needed some time to be single. He begged and pleaded with me to stay, said he was sorry for all the wrong he'd done and asked me to marry him. i realized that i enjoyed my time with him and i was just being insecure. But in my head were all these thoughts of all the things that never could be in my life if i was in a relationship. He begged me to promise him that I would be with him forever, but I couldn't because of how rocky our relationship was, but I truly wanted to keep going with it, I was just scared that he would change back to the way he was before and I would regret that I missed out on my opportunity to leave. This last week tho, the more i thought about it, the more i realized how comfortable i was with him and loved him and really wanted to stay, but i didn't fully express it to him right away. He went out with guys from work for the first time last Saturday and stayed out all night long. I wasn't so upset then because he honestly had been so much better i trusted him. Then over the next few days I felt him distance himself, and start texting on his phone a lot, which is abnormal for him. Then he went on what should have been a 20 min trip and it took him 4 hours. He told me he ran out of gas, twice and had to walk all the way to the gas station, which he picked the car up from me and it had plenty of gas for the trip he took, let alone to run out twice. Then he started telling me that yeah maybe a break wasn't a bad idea and that it would be healthy for me to leave for a few months and then come back, Then I tell him I was wrong, I don't want a break I'm certain i want to be with him, but instead he insists that I take a break and says now that my uncertainty made him uncertain too and he just wants to experience single life. Tonight he left at 6pm and let me know he was going to be gone all night, supposedly "partying with friends"...he's never had friends before but supposedly he now has friends from work. Do people really go out and spend the night at friends house like that? The kicker to it all was i found a new number on his phone with a girls name, but other than that there were no new numbers, so there's no way he was texting friends or hanging out with friends, just that girl. In any case, I casually asked him about it and he got defensive and angry but when i gave him a name and said i saw him texting them he started asking all kinds of questions like "how do you know that?" "where'd you get a name?" ect. but still claimed that he wasn't doing anything, Maybe I'm being paranoid but it seems like he found himself someone to try to make up for me. I realize my mistake in ever saying I wanted a break now, but I didn't leave and after he talked me into staying I agreed and have given him what he wanted. Do you think I deserve what I got? I'm so scared to leave now b/c he's forcing it and i don't want to go. I know that I should probably let go, but it has me panicked, throughout our relationship he has made sure that i was the only real friend in his life he even distanced me from my family so my whole world has revolved around him, how do i move on, I feel like i have nothing, and truly don't want to move on. Plus he's stringing me along telling me that he knows he loves me and wants to be with me eventually, but he wants to be my friend right now and i should just "be cool". I'm obviously co-dependent, but knowing doesn't solve this feeling inside like I'm dead and there's nothing left. The worst part is I know if I had never told him i had wanted a break in the first place and just waited it out we wouldn't be in the situation. Either way, It's killing me and yet for the life of me I want to believe it will be okay and i can fix it and it can just go back to the way it was before I expressed my possible want to experience single life. This obviously isn't a healthy situation, but the thought of life with out him now makes me feel this deep